Monday, August 29, 2005
Creepy book
I just finished a really creepy book called Hostage to the Devil - by Malachi Martin.
It's about the possession and exorcisms of five different people. Genuinely creepy, it can really get on you. The possession stories have the ring of truth to them but the underlying causes he ascribes to them got under my skin. One guy was a priest who had been inadvertently exposed to the evils of an anthropology class.
Nature, science, meditation, egalitarianism.
THESE were the corrupting influences that led these people to terrible, terrible suffering.
At one point, one of the guys meets a Buddhist. Quickly I checked the distance between me and the nearest recycling bin - cuz if this book tells me that Buddha is the handmaiden of the devil I'm launching it into the blue container -- figuring it will see the reality of reincarnation when it comes back as recycled toilet paper. Then I will editorialize on it.
But it stopped just short of that. Buddhism came off with a slight air of menace but not quiet "Satanic."
I had just finished a REALLY poorly written book on the same topic and I think the relief of coming across fairly decent writing kinda pulled me into the book. The guy is a biblical scholar and people who really look at a lot of scripture tend to be pretty good writers.
But underneath the well constructed sentences and well worn thesaurus, I started to also detect something else.
You ever talk to a schizophrenic? I mean a real one - clinically diagnosed.
It's really hard on the brain. Their train of thought seems like it's running on the rails but something is askew and they're so convinced and present with what they're saying that you really start to think it's YOU who has the problem.
I think this is the issue with Allophrenia - which is basically you go to visit a friend in the asylum and start acting so strangely they don't let you out. Some clinicians believe schizophrenia is a pheremonal issue and give patients the "sniff test" and swear they can diagnose schizophrenia with their nose. Maybe, but I think the quasi-contagious aspect of schizophrenia is also syntactical in nature. The language of a schizophrenic can burrow deep into your skull.
Meanwhile -- in another tangent -- gin drinkers perfectly mirror this aspect. They don't slur their words so they don't seem drunk. They act like they're making perfect sense but their train of thought is completely derailed.
Gin is liquid schizophrenia.
ANYHOO ... I first saw that schizophrenic syntax in the pages of L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics. And there was a subtle but telltale trace of it in this exorcism book. I had initially been charmed by his prose but then started to wonder if this guy had any medical problems that might be manifesting in this book. So I did a search on him and yeah a lot of Christians say he's the bee's knees but there are people out there alluding to some very strange behavior on his part and some of his theories are more than a little off kilter.
The case could be made for this guy Malachi Martin having a psychiatric condition.
Besides that ...
Nature? Science? Meditation? Maybe Buddhism?
THESE are the things of evil?
Ok, why not just add coffee, sunshine, theatre, comedy, friendship, democracy, dry roasted peanuts, kittens, fresh produce and my wife to the list of dangerous satanic influences?
Ultimately, underneath the flowery prose and genuinely creepy stories - some of which might have some truth to them, the book is a boogey man story and one with MAJOR axes to grind.
Maybe cuz I write horror movies I'm a little bit immune to boogey man stories and a little resentful if they arrive with a cheek that is minus tongue.
Next month I'm going out to Joshua Tree. I'm gonna read a Carl Sagan book, listen to some Thich Nhat Hahn dharma talks and meditate out in nature and I will just have to suffer the evil conseqences.
It's about the possession and exorcisms of five different people. Genuinely creepy, it can really get on you. The possession stories have the ring of truth to them but the underlying causes he ascribes to them got under my skin. One guy was a priest who had been inadvertently exposed to the evils of an anthropology class.
Nature, science, meditation, egalitarianism.
THESE were the corrupting influences that led these people to terrible, terrible suffering.
At one point, one of the guys meets a Buddhist. Quickly I checked the distance between me and the nearest recycling bin - cuz if this book tells me that Buddha is the handmaiden of the devil I'm launching it into the blue container -- figuring it will see the reality of reincarnation when it comes back as recycled toilet paper. Then I will editorialize on it.
But it stopped just short of that. Buddhism came off with a slight air of menace but not quiet "Satanic."
I had just finished a REALLY poorly written book on the same topic and I think the relief of coming across fairly decent writing kinda pulled me into the book. The guy is a biblical scholar and people who really look at a lot of scripture tend to be pretty good writers.
But underneath the well constructed sentences and well worn thesaurus, I started to also detect something else.
You ever talk to a schizophrenic? I mean a real one - clinically diagnosed.
It's really hard on the brain. Their train of thought seems like it's running on the rails but something is askew and they're so convinced and present with what they're saying that you really start to think it's YOU who has the problem.
I think this is the issue with Allophrenia - which is basically you go to visit a friend in the asylum and start acting so strangely they don't let you out. Some clinicians believe schizophrenia is a pheremonal issue and give patients the "sniff test" and swear they can diagnose schizophrenia with their nose. Maybe, but I think the quasi-contagious aspect of schizophrenia is also syntactical in nature. The language of a schizophrenic can burrow deep into your skull.
Meanwhile -- in another tangent -- gin drinkers perfectly mirror this aspect. They don't slur their words so they don't seem drunk. They act like they're making perfect sense but their train of thought is completely derailed.
Gin is liquid schizophrenia.
ANYHOO ... I first saw that schizophrenic syntax in the pages of L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics. And there was a subtle but telltale trace of it in this exorcism book. I had initially been charmed by his prose but then started to wonder if this guy had any medical problems that might be manifesting in this book. So I did a search on him and yeah a lot of Christians say he's the bee's knees but there are people out there alluding to some very strange behavior on his part and some of his theories are more than a little off kilter.
The case could be made for this guy Malachi Martin having a psychiatric condition.
Besides that ...
Nature? Science? Meditation? Maybe Buddhism?
THESE are the things of evil?
Ok, why not just add coffee, sunshine, theatre, comedy, friendship, democracy, dry roasted peanuts, kittens, fresh produce and my wife to the list of dangerous satanic influences?
Ultimately, underneath the flowery prose and genuinely creepy stories - some of which might have some truth to them, the book is a boogey man story and one with MAJOR axes to grind.
Maybe cuz I write horror movies I'm a little bit immune to boogey man stories and a little resentful if they arrive with a cheek that is minus tongue.
I'm not saying there aren't things out there beyond our grasp and our perception. I'm fairly certain there are. Whatever I believe, I recognize that my beliefs do not exhaust all possibilities - that I think is the mature point of view.
Next month I'm going out to Joshua Tree. I'm gonna read a Carl Sagan book, listen to some Thich Nhat Hahn dharma talks and meditate out in nature and I will just have to suffer the evil conseqences.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
The New Dark Ages
We seem to be drawing into a new Dark Ages as Science and Reason recede in the face of superstitions and prejudice.
Likewise we seem to be resonating with:
We're also sorta Rome near the end and pre-revolution France.
There is a pendulum effect to these things and some day a new day will dawn of reason and justice and peace. But in the mean time how dark will it get? The case could be made that we've already reached the level of blacklisting. Will we get around to burning witches? I dunno. It seems impossible but we seem to have thrown the Time Machine in Reverse and hit the gas. We've already gone backwards past the Snopes Monkey Trial so who knows how far back we will go?
it still amazes me that a Theocratic Coup occurred here and those people who overthrew the secular government here went overseas and ousted a secular dictatorship in another country and are now scrambling like mad to prevent a Theocratic Coup over there -- because it's the wrong Theo.
It's all just internecine squabbling amongst Primitive Screwheads.
When I am President, I will make one major reform and that will be to mandate teaching of Logic at all levels of K-12 education, as well as debate.
Imagine a populace that could spot a fallacy at fifty paces! Imagine a nation of people who could see more than one side of an issue!
Imagine
Likewise we seem to be resonating with:
- The Crusades
- McCarthyism
- The Restoration
- Vietnam
We're also sorta Rome near the end and pre-revolution France.
There is a pendulum effect to these things and some day a new day will dawn of reason and justice and peace. But in the mean time how dark will it get? The case could be made that we've already reached the level of blacklisting. Will we get around to burning witches? I dunno. It seems impossible but we seem to have thrown the Time Machine in Reverse and hit the gas. We've already gone backwards past the Snopes Monkey Trial so who knows how far back we will go?
it still amazes me that a Theocratic Coup occurred here and those people who overthrew the secular government here went overseas and ousted a secular dictatorship in another country and are now scrambling like mad to prevent a Theocratic Coup over there -- because it's the wrong Theo.
It's all just internecine squabbling amongst Primitive Screwheads.
When I am President, I will make one major reform and that will be to mandate teaching of Logic at all levels of K-12 education, as well as debate.
Imagine a populace that could spot a fallacy at fifty paces! Imagine a nation of people who could see more than one side of an issue!
Imagine
Monday, August 22, 2005
Sandra Bullock Poisoning
There's this guy at my video store who knows monster movies and I didn't see him for several visits and I started to worry that he'd quit or been fired or something. But he was there yesterday ... whew what a relief. I've got no one out here to talk horror with.
He was the guy that handed me the Japanese zombie movie Stacy to help cure my Sandra Bullock poisoning.
So I ran my new theory by him yesterday:
Watching bad horror movies is like getting a tattoo.
The pain is practically unbearable while it's happening but when it's done there is a rush of endorphins and when it's done you're tougher and more colorful for having done it.
I told him I managed to get all the way through Ghost Lake. After getting through Zombie Lake I'll be damned if someone is going to come along and make another Underwater Zombie movie that I've not seen.
I think employers should take this under consideration. A person who has built up a tolerance for bad horror movie is the perfect employee - able to tolerate both mind-numbing gaps in logic and terrible doses of boredom. My most recent job interview should have gone like this:
EMPLOYER: So tell us about yourself.
ME: I watched Zombie Lake all the way through.
EMPLOYER: You're hired.
I'm actually not a horror movie fan. I'm truly a surrealist comedy fan but there's so little of it out there that I have to make due with low budget horror which often drifts into surrealism.
There are no more Monty Python movies coming out. You can't get the Peter Cook / Dudley Moore movies on DVD. But there are Steckler movies I haven't seen yet and Troma keeps cranking them out.
I also love low budget movies because they're cranked out in such a way and at such a rate that they leave the personal psychological complexes of the filmmaker still in plain view. In addition, you get to see the resources they had available. So you see their house, their friends, their girlfriends, their cars. It's so INTIMATE.
Good surrealism (or absurdism, see "Mid Life Crisis" earlier) should be intimate.
In other news: My pal Sue, in the course of one month, wrote a college textbook and a paper for an academic conference. DAMN! You would think I'd be able to finish a lousy 90 page piece of shit film script in one summer.
He was the guy that handed me the Japanese zombie movie Stacy to help cure my Sandra Bullock poisoning.
So I ran my new theory by him yesterday:
Watching bad horror movies is like getting a tattoo.
The pain is practically unbearable while it's happening but when it's done there is a rush of endorphins and when it's done you're tougher and more colorful for having done it.
I told him I managed to get all the way through Ghost Lake. After getting through Zombie Lake I'll be damned if someone is going to come along and make another Underwater Zombie movie that I've not seen.
I think employers should take this under consideration. A person who has built up a tolerance for bad horror movie is the perfect employee - able to tolerate both mind-numbing gaps in logic and terrible doses of boredom. My most recent job interview should have gone like this:
EMPLOYER: So tell us about yourself.
ME: I watched Zombie Lake all the way through.
EMPLOYER: You're hired.
I'm actually not a horror movie fan. I'm truly a surrealist comedy fan but there's so little of it out there that I have to make due with low budget horror which often drifts into surrealism.
There are no more Monty Python movies coming out. You can't get the Peter Cook / Dudley Moore movies on DVD. But there are Steckler movies I haven't seen yet and Troma keeps cranking them out.
I also love low budget movies because they're cranked out in such a way and at such a rate that they leave the personal psychological complexes of the filmmaker still in plain view. In addition, you get to see the resources they had available. So you see their house, their friends, their girlfriends, their cars. It's so INTIMATE.
Good surrealism (or absurdism, see "Mid Life Crisis" earlier) should be intimate.
In other news: My pal Sue, in the course of one month, wrote a college textbook and a paper for an academic conference. DAMN! You would think I'd be able to finish a lousy 90 page piece of shit film script in one summer.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
oh if only ...
oh if only there was a book by a member of one of the political parties that explained how all the world's ills are the fault of the opposing party ... that would be special ...
damn, I've got the CLARITIN PERSONALITY big time today. Claritin makes me ferociously cranky. I've heard this from other people too. That kinda should be on the label don't you think? Side Effects may include: turning you into a bigger asshole than you already are.
You would think something calle Claritin would make you Clar-voyant. It doens't. It just makes you a dick.
damn, I've got the CLARITIN PERSONALITY big time today. Claritin makes me ferociously cranky. I've heard this from other people too. That kinda should be on the label don't you think? Side Effects may include: turning you into a bigger asshole than you already are.
You would think something calle Claritin would make you Clar-voyant. It doens't. It just makes you a dick.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
More Scientology Haikus
read dianetics
paranoid schizophrenic
alien engrams!
l ron hubbard was
deeply pathological
ripped off zen and reich
admiral hubbard
makes werner ehardt look sane
est has no costumes
paranoid schizophrenic
alien engrams!
l ron hubbard was
deeply pathological
ripped off zen and reich
admiral hubbard
makes werner ehardt look sane
est has no costumes
Box office slump
Hollywood is convinced that "the public" really wants to see the same shitty movies endlessly recycled.
AND
They are completely baffled as to why box office numbers are down.
AND
They are completely baffled as to why box office numbers are down.
Atkins Goes Chapter 11
Atkins Nutritionals Inc. (already bursting into flames from irony) has filed for bankruptcy.
Dr. Atkins was unavailable for comment ...
... because ...
... HE'S DEAD!
... of a HEART ATTACK!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dr. Dean Ornish was also unavailable for comment because he was out rock climbing or surfing or some other "Old Man Thing."
Dr. Atkins was unavailable for comment ...
... because ...
... HE'S DEAD!
... of a HEART ATTACK!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dr. Dean Ornish was also unavailable for comment because he was out rock climbing or surfing or some other "Old Man Thing."
Diner Talk
At the diner, I order
So I asked my waiter, resident Silver Spoon badass Michael, what that is in Diner Talk. He said there isn't diner talk for that, he has to write it all out.
So I made my own Diner Talk version of it.
Now you try...
- An Omellette
- With Peppers and Mushrooms
- Spinach on the side
- Wheat toast - burn the shit out of it.
So I asked my waiter, resident Silver Spoon badass Michael, what that is in Diner Talk. He said there isn't diner talk for that, he has to write it all out.
So I made my own Diner Talk version of it.
- Torch the Wheat Fields
- French-kiss the chicken
- Send Peter Piper to Wonderland
- and put Popeye in the sidecar
Now you try...
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Scientology Haikus
Some of my neighbors are on methamphetamine.
Some of my neighbors are on scientology.
Oh if ONLY they'd join forces!
Scientology AND Methamphetamine, now that would be the ultimate neighbor.
Kirstie Alley is the Liz Taylor of Scientology. Jenna Elfman has the cutest scientologist rack.
In the old days, once you were "clear" they'd let you fuck Nicole Kidman right in front of Tom Cruise, even if you were a chick!
Am I the only one who writes Scientology Haikus? I did a search on the web and came up with nothing.
Here's one:
L. Ron Hubbard God?
Wrong science fiction writer
Isaac Asimov
anyone else care to try?
I promise the Sea Org will not show up at your door to intimidate you
but if they do ..
offer them meth...
Some of my neighbors are on scientology.
Oh if ONLY they'd join forces!
Scientology AND Methamphetamine, now that would be the ultimate neighbor.
Kirstie Alley is the Liz Taylor of Scientology. Jenna Elfman has the cutest scientologist rack.
In the old days, once you were "clear" they'd let you fuck Nicole Kidman right in front of Tom Cruise, even if you were a chick!
Am I the only one who writes Scientology Haikus? I did a search on the web and came up with nothing.
Here's one:
L. Ron Hubbard God?
Wrong science fiction writer
Isaac Asimov
anyone else care to try?
I promise the Sea Org will not show up at your door to intimidate you
but if they do ..
offer them meth...
