Hi-Brow + Low-Brow = Uni-Brow

My dentist's assistant is a short woman with big breasts.

When she works on me her breasts often fall on my arm, shoulder, neck or face.

At first, being a gentleman, I was distressed. Here I am, copping a feel with my face. That's not right. So I attempted some subtle squirms to escape.

Dental assistants do NOT want you to squirm.

I was trapped.

And then I realized ... hey what's so bad about this? It's not a lap dance. It's still just a cleaning.

I don't lean in to it. I didn't walk in the door and put my face in her chest. I sat where she told me to and she plopped them bad boys right on me. I didn't ask for it. I even tried to remedy the situation was told to sit still. So I did.

So there it is. I'll say it.

I don't mind the dental assistant's big breasts on me.

I don't think that's too far into the reprehensible spectrum of The Pervert Index.

In fact, it's not a particularly sexual thing. It seems pre-sexual -- being comforted by a big breast while terrible things are happening to my gums.

Dentistry is intimate.

There's penetration and fluids. It's wet. There's swollen tissue. There's euphoria and numbness and agony. And then they take a bunch of your money.

It's like a little marriage.

In that sense I guess it's not too bad she plopped her breasts on me.

No, you're right.

I am a pervert.

That's my suggestion. Have Chinese food delivered for lunch. If it's too late where you are, then have it for dinner.

We're just starting to feel good about ourselves around here so our boss is coming down to fix that today.

But I don't care cuz by that time I will have gone partially deaf from the grease, salt and carbs from my egg foo young (egg foo FUN) and the sugary, caffeiny bubbles swirling down my alimentary canal.

mmmm ... Chinese food....

... ok ...

... so it's a videotape ... and when you watch it ...

... it KILLS you ...

... so to be ok, you have to dupe it and send it along?

...ya ever dupe a dupe on VHS?

... if a first generation tape will kill you, a third generation dupe, on a REALLY GOOD tv MIGHt give you a really bad hangnail -- the kind that turns red and stuff ...

shitrats
snot monkeys
double-dipping booger pickers

somebody brought their little monsters in,

at least two people will be out sick next week cuz of the mucoid and fecoid chemtrails they left behind

biohazards in jammies

fuck em

I hate em

I LOVE penguins

I just don't want to work with them

At least not in an office.

If we're fishing, yeah I'm all for it, bring on the penguins. I'll even carry their little lunchboxes for them.

Perhaps I should explain.

I used to go the Central Park Zoo and watch the penguins.

If they weren't eating or having their Annual Penguin Sex, they seemed to be limited to two activities in their pen:

1. Swimming
2. Hopping around on the rocks

They'd be swimming around when one Genius Penguin would have a revolutionary idea.

"OH MY GOD!! GUYS! I HAVE IT!!! LET'S GO HOP AROUND ON THE ROCKS!!!!"

Massive chorus of approval:

"HOP AROUND ON THE ROCKS!!! HOP AROUND ON THE ROCKS!! YAY!!! HURRAY!!!Hopping around on the rocks is THE BEST!!!"

After a while of hopping around on the rocks. Some penguin (perhaps the same penguin, some sorth of Shaman Penguin or Tribal Chief) has a startling idea, a new Penguing Paradigm:

"OH MY GOD!! GUYS! I HAVE IT!!! LET'S GO SWIMMING!!!!"

Massive chorus of approval:

"SWIMMING!!! SWIMMING!! YAY!!! HURRAY!!! Swimming is THE BEST!!!"

And it's as if they've never been swimming before in their entire lives.

And so it goes, back and forth.

Well ...

What's hard about being in a particular job and/or industry for say, longer than ten years, is that at a certain point, your personal memory is longer than the institutional memory. And you have to sit in meetings and hear the same 2-4 ideas over and over again as if you've never heard them before.

But here's the kicker -- DON'T bother with saying "Yeah, we tried that before and this is what's going to happen."

Nobody wants to hear it. In fact you'll just make them mad.

Just wait for lunch and Annual Penguin Sex..

Coworker makes a disparaging remark about a group of employees here.

Agreeing I say

"Yes this is a particularly chuckleheaded concobulation."

...

ya see I had "chuckleheaded"ready to go, I use it a lot, but as I rolled towards the end of the sentence I started to realize I didn't really have an end (like many of my screenplays) but I'll be damned if I'm gonna throw off my cadence just cuz a word doesn't actually ... exist.

Definition provided by my coworker

Concobulation: noun; an erstwhile flux of prepubescent nincompoops prone to provoke violence

One of the models said it was important for a model to "leave a legacy."

No worries.

During the show I left a legacy on an old sock.